In the middle of the night when I am awake what comes to my mind? There is no noise or any distraction except may be the interesting things in internet written by people I don’t know. So many strangers impact my life with their words, works and thoughts. As a matter of fact my life might be a collage of others ideas, thoughts, appreciation of things or abhorrence without even knowing them. As the inference is similar under similar situations in various parts of the world and culture I wonder how many times the same thing has been thought over and invented by multiple people without even being aware of its existence.
So when I come up with a problem which is hard to solve, like counting elements in a cell in Excel or a question that seems unique to me, I feel there must be someone who encounter such situation and might have already come with a solution which I can use to my advantage instead of reinventing the wheel. Invariably I find a solution if I use the right search strategy in Google or some other search engine.
Books, magazines and now internet have become a cozy but strange friend of mine to dive into the mind of strangers I never met or will meet. It is a virtual world with all intimate strangers talking to me.
A series of events or their elucidation happened yesterday. Was it all observation like a trailer of a movie or it has any long term impact on me or on others? A person was born in either in a rich and famous family or in a poor place without any past contribution. I don’t believe in reincarnation based on deeds of the past lives. One is a random chance, that is all.
Often we see only few people and that to very superficially. We have no sense of knowing or appreciating the achievements or the struggles they go through. Then what happens to the lifelong learning or experience with time and also at death? Are they sipped away from our database in our memory like the footsteps on a windy enclave or they lie dormant there like the stem cells in a seemingly old and dead tree trunk?
I listened to the interaction of the friends and family which was mostly talking about family stuff or ruminating the childhood which become the source for making the future past quickly. Life of others goes on without much hassle and sometimes it is a relief if the deceased was suffering and was a burden to him/herself as well as to others. I feel very strange about the way the life ends ‘naturally’, i.e. without accident or intentional killing. It is not like a flower wilting and becoming a dry mass.
I also wonder how people accept others as they see changes taking over their shape and size or worst cognitive ability slowly or drastically. Two beautiful young people get married either by arrangement or by falling in love. With time the physical appearance changes, sometimes drastically within few years or often gradually during ageing process. Like miracle the babies are conceived and grow and grow until they emerge as helpless bundles of joy. The gradual, sometimes painful experience of bringing them up takes toll on parents. Then one day you look at them and they are adults and gone and we wonder how all this happened automatically so fast.
The concept of atma, the soul, the conception of which is to give solace to a the worrisome creatures of living. The continuity of its journey self propelled by its own karma or being subjected to judgment day or a visit to purgatory are the concepts of human imagination which varies from culture to culture and based on mortal fear. So the only thing that is permanent is what one does that keeps at least some people remembering him or her as a worthy person, who contributed something to the human society at a local, provincial, national or international level. Nothing else matters.
Have you had a moment?
When you are in the deep embrace
That connects the night and the day
Like the oceans connect the continents
Where you only want to feel
Just getting dissolved in it
Like sugar in warm coffee
Like sandal wood ground in water
The feeling of awareness of being
A tiny being in the vast expanse of the universe
Of how our desires and dreams
Buffered with lots of frustrations and hassles
Become huge vitamin tablets
Presenting us to us
And sometimes to others
To other vitamin tablets
And swept away
By random bents on the road
Like a sudden encounter in person on in the web
Or in an accident in a highway
Or in an arranged marriage
The life takes a whole new path
Becoming a self created mural
An abstract one
A resource for interpretation
Speculation, adulation or indignation.
March 14, 2014
A moment captures me
Like the calmness on the horizon
Before a thunder storm
When the dark cloud
Chases its own tail
I take out my mask of living
And gaze and get absorbed by it
As if it is the reflection of my inner world
In a vortex of desire
Like a black hole
Where all my action in life
Slowly succumb to.
There I temporarily touch
The frailty of a leaf in a tornado
But is it a scary nightmare
Or is it the salvation
A prelude to letting it all go
And dissolve into eternity?
June 9, 2012
Days march on
For me, like for lots of folks
Drive to work
The bee at the desk
And the home coming bird in heavy traffic
Then dinner and TV
And back to hugging emptiness on the bed
Rule and rule
The picture I wanted to paint
The one I wanted to be so fulfilling
One in a million
Strays further and further
In the black hole of dreams